i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
