david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
