Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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