Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he thought i was a dude.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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