Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
