And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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