I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize