The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
