I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
