it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
