You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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