What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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