he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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