your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
