did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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