I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
