Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do herpes really smell.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
