Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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