There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
