He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
