We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
