College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
