Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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