There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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