Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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