at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
