Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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