Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
