Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
