i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize