Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
