She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
