i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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