I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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