I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize