Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
