Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
