I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
