I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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