Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
