so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
