Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
