I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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