Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
