So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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