508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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