I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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