Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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