Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
