Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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