oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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