I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
