actually, I'm a sock model
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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