it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm really busy with my period
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