You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
