i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
