that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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