Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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