C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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